THIRTY SAYINGS OF
THE WISE
SAYING NUMBER ELEVEN
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the
rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death.” (Proverbs 23:13–14, NIV)
Rather than bring death, the right
discipline of a child will "save them from death". The obvious idea in this proverb involves the
use of "corporal discipline". Some define this as: "Corporal
punishment or physical punishment (physical discipline in some contexts)
is a punishment intended to cause physical pain on a person. It is usually
inflicted in settings with a substantial disparity of power between the
partakers. Corporal punishment is commonly practiced on minors, especially in
home and also school settings, usually employing more modest forms. Common
methods in this regard often include spanking or paddling."[1]
"The point is that the discipline has character training as its goal,
not simply behavior; and this training equips the child to persevere in the way
of life (cf. Prov. 22:15), which is the godly parents’ chief aim (cf. 23:15–18,
22–25)."[2] The Lord uses discipline in
our lives. “… your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4,
NIV). My goal would be that I want to
discipline my children, in the spirit and the means that God, my Father,
disciplines me.
“And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that
addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make
light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he
accepts as his son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his
children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?” (Hebrews 12:5–7, NIV)
Correction shows us
that we are loved, but it also shows us that we are not above reproach and we are
accountable to someone. Those that ignore
the notion of parental use of corporal punishment miss the obvious in this
text. There is no excuse of disciplining
in anger; spanking as abuse; or punishing with the intent to maim and
disfigure. Most importantly it is never
done outside the application of instruction and the approbation of the
Gospel. As in all cases, proverbial
literature should be balanced with all that God says about the subject. For example: “A
rebuke impresses a discerning person more than a hundred lashes a fool” (Proverbs
17:10, NIV).
Elsewhere the Wise write, “Whoever
spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is
careful to discipline them” (Proverbs 13:24, NIV). This verse holds parents
as responsible to instruct and discipline their children. The weight of the proverb leans heavily toward
"careful instruction" not the use of the rod. Another misuse of these verses is to suggest that
all premature death is due to a lack of parental discipline. One cannot extend the passage to such
extremes.
As a parent, I have always thought of
spanking as the "death penalty" of the home. By that, I mean that "it is the last
resort, not the first option". If
patient, godly instruction and the use of other means of discipline fail –
especially in the face of "in-your-face" rebellion, then spanking may
be necessary – and usually is.
If repeated spankings fail, then we have a
problem. One, if the child is young, you
have exhausted all your options. Two, any escalation of punishment on a young
child is probably wrong. God's Word does
not prohibit corporal punishment, but it emphasizes godly, sustained,
consistent discipline. One of the keys
in all parenting is that important relationship that must be established. We parents fail miserably when we are
inconsistent in our discipline and inconsistent in our relationship. The net result of discipline outside of a
healthy relationship is rebellion.
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