As Saul watched the stunning outcome of the
defeat of Goliath by David he must have been in awe. Although he had previously met David (1
Samuel 16:20–22 (ESV): 21 And
David came to Saul and entered his service. And Saul loved him greatly, and he
became his armor-bearer. 22 And Saul sent to Jesse, saying,
“Let David remain in my service, for he has found favor in my sight.”) we
wonder why Saul would be so forgetful and ask the commander of the Army, “Abner,
whose son is this youth?” In any case Saul would want to confirm the lineage of
the man that would marry his daughter (1 Samuel 17:25 (ESV): “And the king will
enrich the man who kills him with great riches and will give him his daughter
and make his father’s house free in Israel.”).
Saul had a moral and legal responsibility to fulfill his vows.
And then we read, 1 Samuel 18:2 (ESV): “And
Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father’s house.”
Meanwhile as this story is developing,
another story is also coming to light: the friendship of Jonathan (Saul’s son)
and David. For we read:
1 Samuel 18:1 (ESV): As soon as he had
finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David,
and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
A bond of friendship was struck between the
two men and a love for one another was cemented in a covenant. 1 Samuel 18:3–4 (ESV): 3 Then
Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. 4 And
Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and
his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt.” Whether Jonathan knew it or not, his gifts to
David represented an understanding that David would some day inherit the throne
— his rightful position as Saul’s biological son. As noted by MacArthur: “1
Samuel 18:4 (MSB): Jonathan willingly and subserviently relinquished the outer
garments and instruments that signified his position as prince of Israel and
heir to the throne.”
The remainder of this portion sets the tone
for the successes of David. 1 Samuel
18:5 (ESV): “And David went out and was successful wherever Saul sent him, so
that Saul set him over the men of war. And this was good in the sight of all
the people and also in the sight of Saul’s servants.”
This whole passage introduces us to the
events that will transpire as Saul’s promise to the conquering David are
fulfilled and as God’s plan to give David the kingship are also brought to
pass. The story also sets the stage for
the unique friendship of David and Jonathan.
As a male writing this blog the words recorded as to this male
friendship seem foreign, 1 Samuel 18:1 (ESV): “the soul of Jonathan was knit to
the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
The context makes it clear that this was a
covenantal relationship. In this agreement, Jonathan was to be second in
command in David’s future reign, and David was to protect Jonathan’s family. Jonathan’s
covenant with David was like a promise to be best friends forever. He was
saying, “What’s mine is yours.” We will see that this friendship lasted
throughout both of their lifetimes. These men would risk their lives for one
another.
William Boekestein in a Gospel Coalition
article writes, “Many men today struggle with maintaining male friendships.
This claim doesn’t need to be argued. We know it. I personally have a sporadic
friendship track-record . . . But I’m learning. It has become more clear to me
that Jesus and his disciples were genuine friends (John 15:15). They spent time
sharing deeply of themselves.”[1]
“Christ is our example. His ministry was
centered in deep friendships with the Twelve, whom He repeatedly called
"friends" (John 15:13-15), and there was also the inner circle of
three with whom He formed an even deeper friendship and to whom He bared His
heart.”[2] Dr. Hughes goes on to write:
“Men, if you are married, your wife must be
your most intimate friend, but to say, "my wife is my best friend"
can be a cop-out. You also need Christian male friends who have a same-sex
understanding of the serpentine passages of your heart, who will not only offer
counsel and pray for you, but will also hold you accountable to your
commitments and responsibilities when necessary.”
Sadly I can’t contribute much to this
topic. In reflection I can see that I
have many men in my life that excellent comrades and reliable acquaintances —
but to say that I have a friend as described by this relationship of David and
Jonathan is only a pipe-dream. I believe
that we men, Christian men, “must set ourselves against the cultural consensus
and pursue and practice friendship if we are to be all God wants us to be.
God's Word demands a counter-cultural manliness which is capable of deep
friendship.”[3]
How do we do that? There are probably a lot of practical ways to
do this, but I think the place where Christian men must start is prayer. We must pray that God will work the character
and personality requirements for friendship, deep in our soul. And we must pray
for the opportunity to develop friendships.
And we must pray for the courage to pursue friendships that bring mutual
sanctification and glory to God. I think
that’s where we start.
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