Faking It With, “I’m Fine!”

It was the title that got my attention: No More Faking Fine – Ending the Pretending.  As it turned out the book was the life story of Esther Fleece, an autobiography, and it was a practical guide through the biblical practice of lament.  “Lament is how Christians grieve. It is how to help hurting people. Lament is how we learn important truths about God and our world. My personal and pastoral experience has convinced me that biblical lament is not only a gift but also a neglected dimension of the Christian life for many twenty-first-century Christians.”[1]

Esther begins No More Faking Fine with a story from her childhood—a moment which deeply impacted her. It was the day she began pretending. Over and over through the Bible, we read stories of lament. Stories where God’s people cried out to Him, demanding to know why. From the Israelites in Egypt to Job at Satan’s hands, God’s people lament. Some of the best laments are recorded in the Psalms. And it is these stories and laments that taught Esther to face her own pain and walk through it to help others.

The second and third part of the book, Esther looks at examples of lament prayers and then how lament moves forward to healing, respectively.  Jim Daly from Focus on the Family writes, “For many of us, when someone asks how we’re doing, our automatic response is “fine”—even when we aren’t. Esther Fleece transparently shares her story of “faking fine” until she couldn’t anymore—and how God has brought emotional healing as she learned to stop pretending. This is an encouraging and helpful book.”

Here are my quotations from the book that I think is impressive:

“Without lament, there is no joy.” (p. 15).

“Of course, the last thing I wanted was for anyone to know I felt this way. My busy days were spent performing and producing, keeping up appearances, praising God in public while wondering in private if He even cared.” (p. 18).

“The pressure to keep up is sometimes so significant that we default to everything being fine—even our unhappy lives . . ..”  (p. 31).

“I have learned through the years that God does not want just our happy; He also really wants our sad. Everything is not fine, and God wants to hear about it. He is drawn to us when we’re mourning and blesses us in a special way. God is not up there minimizing our pain and comparing it to others who have it worse than we do. God wants all pain to be surrendered to Him, and He has the capacity to respond to it all with infinite compassion.” (p. 35).

“Think of the people who say everything is “fine” all the time. How many times is “how are you?” asked in our church hallways and coffee times only to be responded with an automatic “good!”—even if it’s not true?” (p. 36).

“Laments don’t need to be carefully crafted prayers. Lament is the language that God has given us to use when we are hurting. It’s a language that sometimes means tears or groans or simply feeling an emotion.” (p. 76).

“Even though the psalmist was feeling despair, he chose to remember God’s goodness and His wonderful deeds. Could I try the same thing? Could I find something to praise God about? The enemy wants us to stay stuck in despair, but God wants our laments to lead into a deeper recognition and understanding of Him.” (p. 95).

“Far from a complaint, this lament is a bold declaration that God is present, hears, and is powerful to act on our behalf. “How long?” is an expression in Scripture of staking one’s hope in the only One who is able to save.” (p. 127).

“I was so used to sucking it up and making it on my own, and it became a gift when God made it clear that He no longer wanted me to live this way. God severs our “faking fine” tactics in order to show us a better way. I just didn’t see it at the time. We rarely do. (p. 178).

“You will know you are coming through a lament when you begin to hear a new song of praise.” (p. 206).

Esther Fleece Allan’s book, No More Faking Fine, Ending the Pretending is available on Amazon.  I’ve listened to several good sermons on Lamenting, both from my own Church and elsewhere.  A great series by the author of Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy Discovering the Grace of Lament, Mark Vroegop has a series online that can be found HERE.  A really helpful and moving book is, Lament for a Son, by Nicholas Wolterstorff. For students, Dr. Bruce Waltke’s, James M. Houston, and Erika Moore wrote a book, The Psalms as Christian Lament A Historical Commentary, which is an excellent commentary on Lament Psalms.    

“For to have a genuine human existence as God intended us to enjoy is to exercise lament before him. This is expressive of his sovereign grace, of our trust in his good purposes, and of our final destiny, to be transformed to the image of his Son.”[2]

 

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[1] Vroegop, Mark. Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy (p. 21). Crossway. Kindle Edition.

[2] Waltke, Bruce K.; Houston, James M.; Moore, Erika. The Psalms as Christian Lament: A Historical Commentary (p. 10). Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.. Kindle Edition.